The Wall - When Women hit E (empty)

The moment we feel on top of the world nothing much can bring us down. We have life conquered in this moment, our super hero cape blows against the wind and we stand with our fist on the hips all figured out and we feel damn proud, as we should. 

In these moments of empowerment I am able to kick ass at work, keep my house clean, cook meals, work on my book and FemCalibur blog, help with homework, while still finding ways to give back to the community or create my own random acts of kindness. It is in these moments people tell me “Wow” you do everything, “How do you do it?” and I smile widely and shrug, because I am not sure how I am doing it I just am. I have the woman power in me and I’m on a role!

….Until I don’t.

I hit a bump, trip and get back up. ‘No big deal. I’m tough. I’ve got this.’ Then a cliff presents itself, and I have to take leap, almost not making it to the other side… and each time a little problem introduces itself it becomes bigger and each bigger conflict weighs heavier on me. The stress begins to tug at my patience until I finally hit a wall.

When I hit the wall, I’m done. I need me time. I need to do some things for me. I am suddenly standing still in a world that is now spinning too fast for to keep up with. I’m tired.  Everything now bothers me. I can’t keep up with anything.

This is when I decide to let the man in my life know that all the things I’ve been sweeping under the rug are now a big pile of dirt that is still there. I vent to him. Because, I’ve been waiting to vent after everything is a big pile of muck, he becomes defensive, “Where is all this coming from?” “Is it that time of month?” He doesn’t listen, I just need him to listen and understand, but he thinks “I’m over reacting.”

The kids, not cleaning up after themselves, being whinny, throwing a tantrum, refusing to eat what I cook… my patience meter is on E. I lose my shit.

The animals… “Seriously?” “Can I please get coffee before I cater to your breakfast?”
Can I not even pee alone?”

I finally stall when I hit emotional, mental and physical E… and then after a few days, I remind myself at how awesome I can be. How much I can have it together… and I slowly work my way back to the top.

I felt alone in the vicious cycle. Guess what?

WE are not alone. YOU are not alone. WE all go through it.

The first time I realized this pattern was a thing was when I read the book MenAre From Mars Women Are Venus, By John Gray Ph.D, The classic book is worth the read, for both men and women. If you have a partner that will read this book with you, the two of you will really triumph in your relationship.

John Gray, Ph.D refers to us, women, on a hill. Constantly climbing up, reaching the peak, and then slowly rolling back to the bottom again. What do we do when we reach the bottom? Work on climbing back to the top.

When I was reading these parts in his book, this moment of “YES!” and sudden relief overcame me. The feeling of someone understands (even if it is a man explaining it) Guess what ladies? John Gray,Ph.D explains men’s version of this hill too. They apparently desire to retreat, zone out, or be alone… This being revealed, don’t allow a man in your life to push you into feeling any less when you are on E.

I’m currently rolling down my hill and I know I am not alone. I want you to understand, you are not alone either.

By the way, if you want to read another great John Gray, Ph.D book, his next version Beyond Mars and Venus: Relationship Skills ForToday’s Complex World, digs into the responsibilities and many roles women have today. It won’t leave your man out, if he will read it, it explains his role changes too.

No matter where you are with your fuel tank, take deep breaths, and empower forward.     
                      You’ve got this.

#Keeping It Real