Fearing Loss

Fearing loss is a lurking fear, one that is always present. Like a dull ache during a thunderstorm.

The storm should be the fear, right? The immense force, the unpredictability. The events and experiences that slam into our lives causing pain and chaos. Yet, for me, the worry is the feeling of loss. Because that always comes, during times of stillness or storms. 

Life is about growth and growth means new beginnings. And endings. It’s unavoidable.

But I try. I work to enjoy the relationships I have without thinking of losing them. I appreciate the memories of people who have been in my life, shaped who I am, even if they aren’t around anymore. Even if we don’t talk. Even if the bond ended painfully.

Because if I try to fossilize time, if I try to resist, there is no burning ember. There is no life. It’s only me reliving memories.

I’m speaking in terms of personal relationships, but it’s true in professional ones, too. It’s a dance. Cherishing old attachments yet allowing yourself to have more. To expand.

Like a tree, we grow up and out. More branches, more leaves, more friends. Some offshoots are going to fall. Storms will come through and limbs will be lost. But the growth must continue. It’s the only way to face the fear. It’s the only way to prove loss and pain are part of love and growth.

As hard as it is, I try. I try to forgive myself, forgive them, and thrive.