WineGasm



After a long day with the kids (or work), exhaustion stings the brain, and if the wrong cell is tripped I am going to ‘lose my shit.’ Eager, I don’t care about removing the fancy wrap hiding the cork, I am armed with a cork screw and stress, the foil is no match for me. The foil shreds as the cork tears through… and then a gentle ‘pop’….victory.

The sweet smell of fermented grapes seeps through my nostrils while it freely escapes into my glass. Without hesitation I sip, letting the warmth roll off my tongue, sliding down my throat, it cozies into every tip of my body, melting the tension. Oh the feeling of a WineGasm…

I don’t need fancy wine tools, though I prefer to use them when I have company, I appear more civilized, and less of a wine-o. I’ve taken the excitement of wine to a level where I have been stereotype by my ‘Facebook Friends.’ They take care of me, introducing me to all the new wine gadgets; Though I find flaws in most of them, so I wouldn't buy them, I appreciate the effort the inventors made.

Amazon Prime should have delivered me a free case of wine for becoming one of their advertisers on Facebook. I had it post on my Facebook four or five times – there was NO WAY Amazon Prime, was going to pull a fast one on me. I KNOW they can deliver wine to MY door!

While judgmental people might refer to me as an alcoholic, partaking in the ritual of wine seven days a week and mostly alone, let me assure you, when I am out of wine, I do not drink the beer (unless I’m eating chili), I do not go for the tequila or whisky (it’s not my thing), I don’t pour a glass of margarita (unless it’s taco Tuesday)… No, if I’m out of wine, I complain that I'm out of wine until my husband asks, “Do you want me to run to the store and grab you a bottle?”

Of course, depending on my mood, I’m usually a woman about it, “Oh, no, you don’t have to run just to get me wine. I don’t have to have it…”

He will then reply with, “Don’t you have white in the fridge?”

“Oooooooh, yes, but I really want red. You know, what, don’t worry about it. I just won’t have any wine. (sigh) It’s just been a stressful day and sounded so good to drink some WHILE I’m cooking our dinner.”

“I’ll be back; we need a couple of things from the store anyway.” He says without hesitation, I’m sure having me pegged but letting me feel witty never the less.

An alcoholic would drink anything with alcohol, so you see; I am only a wine-o.

Here is a simple example of WineGasm, compare the two sentences and try to deny which appeals most...

·         Do you want to have a play date with the kids?
·         Do you want to have a play date with the kids AND drink wine?


·         Do you want to meet up for dinner after work?
·         Do you want to meet up for dinner after work AND drink wine?


·         Do you want to have a craft night at your house?
·         Do you want to have a craft night at your house AND drink wine?


·         Do you want to do yard work and mow the lawn?
·         Do you want to do yard work and mow the lawn while we drink wine?


See it can make anything and everything sound better. I’m not sure why my husband hasn’t figured this out yet….
TAKE ONE:
HIM: Do you want to have sex tonight?
ME: I’m too tired.

TAKE TWO:
HIM: Do you want to have sex tonight AND drink wine?
ME: Can I drink wine WHILE we are having sex?
HIM: Uh…Sure…
ME: Okay.


Yes, ladies, supporting the grape farmers and keeping their business running takes dedication; So free yourself from any guilt you may have had, and embrace your WineGasm. You deserve it. 


~Rebecca 
                        WHAT'S YOUR 'GASM?
                          Write it in the comments below!




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